so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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