cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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