remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
