It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
