think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
