He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
