There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
