Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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