her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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