I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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