you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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