Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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