thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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