Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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