She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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