Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
