let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
