your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
