No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
