my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
