so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
