Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
