First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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