he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
