i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
