I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
