It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
that is very illegal...i love you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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