He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
