I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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