The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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