yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
