one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
