Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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