I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize