no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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