i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
