I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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