i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
