Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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