she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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