i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
