Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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