you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
