That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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