i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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