Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
