Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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