you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
