; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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