I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
