come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus