I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
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Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck