The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
