apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.