Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
