I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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