I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
