She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
