It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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