I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
