I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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