they need to just BURY HIM!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
