I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
