toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
