U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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