we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
