listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
