Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize