you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
