Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
