true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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